I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
