Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
