I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize