I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
