We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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