so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
