the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
