Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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