I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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