as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
