the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
