Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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