I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
