you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
