It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
