Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dignity is for republicans.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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