I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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