Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
