i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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