i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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