Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
