I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
