it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
