i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
