Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
