So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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