dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
