My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
