The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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