hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
