I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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