He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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