You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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