I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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