I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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