if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
false alarm, still single
Randomize
