well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
