It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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