good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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