Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
