is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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