I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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