So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
