I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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