im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
