i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
