if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
