u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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