So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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