I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
