oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
