the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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