conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
