nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
