Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
