I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
