Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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