Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
