Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
