Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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