At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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