i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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