I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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