My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
