I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
