Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
