Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
