she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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