Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
