every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
worst night to have a conscience
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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